Who Should Meet Your Relational Needs
Last time we discussed the relational needs a single adult has. These needs were emotional, intellectual and spiritual. What we did not discuss, in detail, is who you should be meeting those needs with. You should be meeting these needs with the people in the church. But the people in the church you should be meeting these needs with should be more than just the people in your singles class.
It’s a dangerous thing for a single adult to only have singles meeting their relational needs. In a very real way it’s disobedient. I am not saying a singles class is bad, I am saying being isolated in a singles class is bad. Sunday Schools generally do a good and necessary job of teaching to a particular groups specific biblical needs. That is good and right, but if we are not careful it will lead to isolation which is very detrimental to a Christian.
God calls the Church the Body of Christ and in I Corinthians 12 God calls for the many members of the body to work together in unity. In the church of Corinth the church did not have unity because people with different gifts, or different ways of administration didn’t want to work together because they thought their way was the only right way. Paul called them out on that, and told them that using their different gifts together only made the church stronger.
Its really easy in our culture to get programed to only be involved with people in our class. When we were kids in church we only hung out with people in our Sunday school class/junior church, when we became teens it was easy for us to just hang around the teens and the adults involved with the teens, now that we are singles its easy to hang around the singles and the leadership over the singles. But God has called us out to be involved with the whole body of Christ. .
1Co 12:25 That there should be no schism in the body; but that the members should have the same care one for another.
1Co 12:26 And whether one member suffer, all the members suffer with it; or one member be honoured, all the members rejoice with it.
1Co 12:27 Now ye are the body of Christ, and members in particular.
You have legitimate relational needs.
You have emotional, intellectual, and spiritual relational needs, and I would challenge you to get those needs met throughout the entire body of Christ.
It is unlikely that you will have one person meeting all three of your relational needs, so I would encourage you to have someone from different groups in church to meet your individual relational needs.
Perhaps a retired man or woman could meet your emotional need. Someone who can listen to your sorrow, joy, frustration and give you sound advice in how to deal with a difficult situation.
Perhaps you have the same intellectual loves as a teen and you two can get together and spend hours talking about video games, music, or school.
Perhaps the best person you can talk about spiritual things with would be a married man, and you two can do a bible study together, or listen to the same sermons online, or just pray together.
Honestly it doesn’t matter which groups meet you different relational needs, because as your needs are getting met, you should in turn be trying to meet their needs.
It is likely that a teen or a married person does not have as big of a need as you to have their relational needs met. But I am sure that there are married people who as you share your heart will share something on their heart that they never told their spouse, because they have a need to tell someone and feel that they cannot tell their spouse. I am sure there are teens out there that feel like they have no friends in the world and they are losers because the only person nice to them is their parents, and you gave them the attention they needed. I am sure there are retired people in your church that feel useless but have decades of spiritual seasoning that they need to share with someone.
As a single you both have the biggest need to have your relational needs met, and the biggest oppertunity to meet other church members relational needs, where a spouse, or parent doesn’t. But no ones needs are met if you simply stay in your circle at church.
I think this is the crux of the matter, everyone in the church has relational needs. When you seek out people to meet your needs, their needs get met too. Your need is much greater than any other group in the local church so you should do the seeking, but everyone gets something out of this relationship.
Is there anyone outside of the circles of singles who you think could meet one of your relational needs?
It’s a dangerous thing for a single adult to only have singles meeting their relational needs. In a very real way it’s disobedient. I am not saying a singles class is bad, I am saying being isolated in a singles class is bad. Sunday Schools generally do a good and necessary job of teaching to a particular groups specific biblical needs. That is good and right, but if we are not careful it will lead to isolation which is very detrimental to a Christian.
God calls the Church the Body of Christ and in I Corinthians 12 God calls for the many members of the body to work together in unity. In the church of Corinth the church did not have unity because people with different gifts, or different ways of administration didn’t want to work together because they thought their way was the only right way. Paul called them out on that, and told them that using their different gifts together only made the church stronger.
Its really easy in our culture to get programed to only be involved with people in our class. When we were kids in church we only hung out with people in our Sunday school class/junior church, when we became teens it was easy for us to just hang around the teens and the adults involved with the teens, now that we are singles its easy to hang around the singles and the leadership over the singles. But God has called us out to be involved with the whole body of Christ. .
1Co 12:25 That there should be no schism in the body; but that the members should have the same care one for another.
1Co 12:26 And whether one member suffer, all the members suffer with it; or one member be honoured, all the members rejoice with it.
1Co 12:27 Now ye are the body of Christ, and members in particular.
You have legitimate relational needs.
You have emotional, intellectual, and spiritual relational needs, and I would challenge you to get those needs met throughout the entire body of Christ.
It is unlikely that you will have one person meeting all three of your relational needs, so I would encourage you to have someone from different groups in church to meet your individual relational needs.
Perhaps a retired man or woman could meet your emotional need. Someone who can listen to your sorrow, joy, frustration and give you sound advice in how to deal with a difficult situation.
Perhaps you have the same intellectual loves as a teen and you two can get together and spend hours talking about video games, music, or school.
Perhaps the best person you can talk about spiritual things with would be a married man, and you two can do a bible study together, or listen to the same sermons online, or just pray together.
Honestly it doesn’t matter which groups meet you different relational needs, because as your needs are getting met, you should in turn be trying to meet their needs.
It is likely that a teen or a married person does not have as big of a need as you to have their relational needs met. But I am sure that there are married people who as you share your heart will share something on their heart that they never told their spouse, because they have a need to tell someone and feel that they cannot tell their spouse. I am sure there are teens out there that feel like they have no friends in the world and they are losers because the only person nice to them is their parents, and you gave them the attention they needed. I am sure there are retired people in your church that feel useless but have decades of spiritual seasoning that they need to share with someone.
As a single you both have the biggest need to have your relational needs met, and the biggest oppertunity to meet other church members relational needs, where a spouse, or parent doesn’t. But no ones needs are met if you simply stay in your circle at church.
I think this is the crux of the matter, everyone in the church has relational needs. When you seek out people to meet your needs, their needs get met too. Your need is much greater than any other group in the local church so you should do the seeking, but everyone gets something out of this relationship.
Is there anyone outside of the circles of singles who you think could meet one of your relational needs?