Most Important Characteristic of an Accountability Partner
As a single person you have many different needs than a married person does. One of those needs is someone you can be intellectually, emotionally, and spiritually intimate with. When you are looking for an accountability partner as a single you must have an accountability partner who is much more than an accountability partner. And God’s word commands you to have this relationship, which is the most important characteristic of an accountability partner.
What is this characteristic? Well truth be told it’s a duel characteristic. Often times screws don’t work without nuts. Some things don’t work without one part reciprocating another part.This Characteristic must be reciprocated.
On your end you must find an accountability partner that you entreat like a father, but your accountability partner must reciprocate that by entreating you like a son. This duel characteristic is the most important thing in finding an accountability partner.
I Timothy 5:1-2 says “Rebuke not an elder, but intreat him as a father; and the younger men as brethren; The elder women as mothers; the younger as sisters, with all purity.”
Galatians 6:1 tells us that a spiritual authority is to restore us. But I think I Timothy 5:1 goes a long way to defining what that spiritual authority is going to look like to us. This spiritual authorities number one characteristic is going to be that we can entreat him like a father.
That said entreating him like a father is only going to be part of his number one characteristic. If you are entreating him like a father and he is blowing you off then that isn’t any help. Chances are that before you ever confess your addiction to this man you are going to have to develop this relationship. For you to get the help you need he must begin entreating you like a son.
I Thessalonians 2:11-12 As ye know how we exhorted and comforted and charged every one of you, as a father doth his children, That ye would walk worthy of God, who hath called you unto his kingdom and glory.
Here the Bible gives an example of men treating other men like a father treats their children. The purpose of this was so that they would walk worthy of God. If you recognize your addiction has made your walk unworthy of God and you want to change that then you need some sort of spiritual authority in your life to treat you like he would his own son.
The reality is that you will not allow just anybody treat you like a father would treat his son, and that is why this point must be reciprocated with you treating this man like a son would treat a father.
First of all this relationship is not you calling him father and him calling you son and everything getting fixed. This is a relationship where we take out the religious language and treat each other like a father would treat a son and son would treat a father. In this relationship religious language is useless but action is powerful.
As you develop this relationship you will learn to have intellectual, emotional, and spiritual intimacy. As you learn what those three parts of intimacy are to you and begin to practice it, you will be using those three parts of intimacy to overcome your thought life that came from porn.
With a brother in Christ you will be unable to have this type of intimacy largely because it is very hard to submit to a brother in Christ. With a councilor it would be hard to develop this type of intimacy because it stops when you stop paying. With group counseling its hard to develop this type of intimacy because you get lost in a crowd. With a girlfriend/fiancé it would be hard to develop this kind of intimacy because it is far to easy for it to go to physical intimacy especially as you start suffering from withdrawal symptoms.
With parents its impossible to share this kind of intimacy because they think they know you too well. Furthermore you are probably in a place in your life where God designed you to step away from your parents. Its unnatural to share the type of intimacy you need to get out of this addiction with your parents. Your parents have spent years developing a picture of what they think you are, good or bad, and that assumption about you will always get in the way of them helping you with this addiction, or getting to know your heart. That doesn’t make them bad people that makes them your parents.
I am sure my suggestion to not use parents as accountability partners irks a lot of parents, but in every case where parents are suggested to be accountability partners for their kids it is all about how the parent feels. If you are a young person overcoming porn it isn’t about how your parent feels, it is about you having a right walk with God. Your parents want to have a closer walk with you but this is not an appropriate area for you to build a relationship with your parents.
I think the process of building and maintaining a relationship where you entreat a man like a son entreats a father and he treats you like a father treats a son is the most intimate relationship you can develop outside of marriage. And I think its far quicker easier and safer to build this relationship than getting married. Furthermore you can develop several of these relationships throughout your life but you only get married once.
This duel characteristic is the most important characteristic for an unmarried person who needs an accountability partner, it will likely take you weeks or months to build this relationship but once you do you will find yourself able to overcome your porn addiction. Not because you are no longer lusting, or because your libido went away, but because you will have someone dedicated to bearing your burdens, and you will be replacing that burden with intellectual, emotional, and spiritual intimacy.
What is this characteristic? Well truth be told it’s a duel characteristic. Often times screws don’t work without nuts. Some things don’t work without one part reciprocating another part.This Characteristic must be reciprocated.
On your end you must find an accountability partner that you entreat like a father, but your accountability partner must reciprocate that by entreating you like a son. This duel characteristic is the most important thing in finding an accountability partner.
I Timothy 5:1-2 says “Rebuke not an elder, but intreat him as a father; and the younger men as brethren; The elder women as mothers; the younger as sisters, with all purity.”
Galatians 6:1 tells us that a spiritual authority is to restore us. But I think I Timothy 5:1 goes a long way to defining what that spiritual authority is going to look like to us. This spiritual authorities number one characteristic is going to be that we can entreat him like a father.
That said entreating him like a father is only going to be part of his number one characteristic. If you are entreating him like a father and he is blowing you off then that isn’t any help. Chances are that before you ever confess your addiction to this man you are going to have to develop this relationship. For you to get the help you need he must begin entreating you like a son.
I Thessalonians 2:11-12 As ye know how we exhorted and comforted and charged every one of you, as a father doth his children, That ye would walk worthy of God, who hath called you unto his kingdom and glory.
Here the Bible gives an example of men treating other men like a father treats their children. The purpose of this was so that they would walk worthy of God. If you recognize your addiction has made your walk unworthy of God and you want to change that then you need some sort of spiritual authority in your life to treat you like he would his own son.
The reality is that you will not allow just anybody treat you like a father would treat his son, and that is why this point must be reciprocated with you treating this man like a son would treat a father.
First of all this relationship is not you calling him father and him calling you son and everything getting fixed. This is a relationship where we take out the religious language and treat each other like a father would treat a son and son would treat a father. In this relationship religious language is useless but action is powerful.
As you develop this relationship you will learn to have intellectual, emotional, and spiritual intimacy. As you learn what those three parts of intimacy are to you and begin to practice it, you will be using those three parts of intimacy to overcome your thought life that came from porn.
With a brother in Christ you will be unable to have this type of intimacy largely because it is very hard to submit to a brother in Christ. With a councilor it would be hard to develop this type of intimacy because it stops when you stop paying. With group counseling its hard to develop this type of intimacy because you get lost in a crowd. With a girlfriend/fiancé it would be hard to develop this kind of intimacy because it is far to easy for it to go to physical intimacy especially as you start suffering from withdrawal symptoms.
With parents its impossible to share this kind of intimacy because they think they know you too well. Furthermore you are probably in a place in your life where God designed you to step away from your parents. Its unnatural to share the type of intimacy you need to get out of this addiction with your parents. Your parents have spent years developing a picture of what they think you are, good or bad, and that assumption about you will always get in the way of them helping you with this addiction, or getting to know your heart. That doesn’t make them bad people that makes them your parents.
I am sure my suggestion to not use parents as accountability partners irks a lot of parents, but in every case where parents are suggested to be accountability partners for their kids it is all about how the parent feels. If you are a young person overcoming porn it isn’t about how your parent feels, it is about you having a right walk with God. Your parents want to have a closer walk with you but this is not an appropriate area for you to build a relationship with your parents.
I think the process of building and maintaining a relationship where you entreat a man like a son entreats a father and he treats you like a father treats a son is the most intimate relationship you can develop outside of marriage. And I think its far quicker easier and safer to build this relationship than getting married. Furthermore you can develop several of these relationships throughout your life but you only get married once.
This duel characteristic is the most important characteristic for an unmarried person who needs an accountability partner, it will likely take you weeks or months to build this relationship but once you do you will find yourself able to overcome your porn addiction. Not because you are no longer lusting, or because your libido went away, but because you will have someone dedicated to bearing your burdens, and you will be replacing that burden with intellectual, emotional, and spiritual intimacy.